The Criteria for my Future Boyfriend/Husband

Let me say this outright.  My future boyfriend/husband has a lot of criteria to meet.  These criteria have been carefully planned and laid out by a team of three- myself, my mother, and Moose Man(FYI, he actually wrote a book on raising children, so that's his creds to help narrow the selection).  Most requirements were laid down by my mother, but MM added the financial aspect of it.  I had some small say.  Here they are:

• Must be able to lift a large bale of hay with one hand.  This is very important, as we live on a small farm that deals with hay often.  
• Must be able to play Rachmaninoff.  Being a pianist, Mom sees this to be of great importance.  I think it would be nice to have musical boyfriend/husband.
• Must have a minimum of a master's degree.  
• Must have a minimum of a six-figure income.  
• Must have a strong investment portfolio.
• Must be a Christian.
• Must be good-looking(of course!)
• Must be very intelligent, preferably from an Ivy League school.
• Must be non-jerkish, AKA nice and well-mannered.
• Must never use incorrect grammar, spelling, or the like.  Some credentials in English are preferred.  
• Must have working knowledge of livestock.
• Must have a love of cows.
• Must be able to deal with my extremely sarcastic humor.
• Must have a love of Facebook.

I don't think I'm asking too much, since I can't date until I'm 28.  I've got a while to start looking for the above guy.   Maybe I should post some flyers now.  "If you've seen this guy, call the below number!"  Hey, it could happen.