Artificial Insemination & Other Things People Don't Want to Talk About

Yep.  Get read for some stuff you probably don't hear around town.  Also, this is not for small children.  I'm kidding.....maybe.

We have one hopefully pregnant cow.  They AI'd her many moons ago.  I didn't get to watch.  I think CowBoy(the man who got us into the cow business and did the artificial insemination) is kind of uncomfortable with me there.  I think he thinks I'm still "ignorant".  Yeah, calves come out of the ground.  That kind of makes me laugh, seeing as I've actually felt a calf in utero. I'd love to be certified in AI(in case you didn't get that, it stands for artificial insemination).  There's a class you can take.  Cool.   I wanna stick my arm up cows' butts.

Our cow, Lil' Bit, came into heat today.  She's mooing like crazy.  I told my mom, "I get like that sometimes."  She said, "You don't come into heat.  Oh, I guess that's like PMS for you."  Thanks, Mom. 

The last time one of our cows came into heat, it was raging heat. I think that's what they call it.  If I messed that up, Mom is never going to let me forget it.  It was intense.  As funny and wrong as this sounds, my sister and I went out and watched the cows mount each other.  It's extremely cool to see 900 pound animals jump on top of each other.  Call me a weirdo.  I wonder what the neighbor's kids think. 



This brings me to the topic of chickens and their mating.  The poor hens in the front of our house have bare backs.  All the feathers have been rubbed off by the stupid roosters.  We have way too many roosters. Roosters are good for nothing.  Well, maybe two things.  Eating and fertilization.  We don't need the latter.

            

We have rooster named Mr. Purdy.  We thought he was Ms. Purdy, but then he crowed.  I think he's gay.  No joke.  Or at least very confused about his orientation.  He mates with crocs.  Yes, the shoes.  He prefers the black ones.  He finally started mating with the actual hens.  He practiced on the crocs for a long time.  He was too slow, and he's a small rooster.  Now, he is constantly chasing the hens.  The other rooster usually gives him a look and Mr. Purdy backs off, but sometimes, he gets away with it.  Poor hens, and poor black crocs.  He still mates with the crocs in addition to the hens.  We have got to get rid of Mr. Purdy.  Raising a rooster in the house was not a good idea. 

 Let's see.......what else can I talk about?  I've run out of weird things to talk about.  Alright, have I scared my blog audience enough?  I've probably lost readers.

As you can see, I don't get grossed out easily.  In fact, I don't get grossed out ever.  I cannot remember ever feeling sick to my stomach. Well, besides when Aguilera sang the national anthem.