The Recital

The recital went well.  It was......different.

I'm not one to get nervous easily.  I'm also not one to admit that I'm nervous.  Because I feel like once I am "diagnosed", I've psyched myself out.  My heart beat a little faster today, but nothing like my true, 100% freaked out, shaking hands, feet numb nervous. Here's how the whole thing went:

I sat with the other concert participatees(yep, I totally made that word up) until a few pieces before mine.  I went backstage and waited.  I'm my calmest at this point. I'm good, happy, and smiling. My mom and I talked to  my piano teacher.  In the course of the conversation, he said something that has been running through my head a good while.  "Three of you" refers to myself and my two friends who are my age and both take from him.  "Out of the three of you, **********  has the natural talent, ********** takes longer to learn pieces, but once she gets them, they're amazing, and you're the hardest worker." 
That's really stuck with me.  And makes me want to work harder.  It also reminded me of something that Dr. Minuet said.  I will reveal her real first name.  Here's what she said: "My teacher told me, Ludmila, you have not got talent.  Zero.",Dr. Minuet made a zero with her fingers, "but when you put in hard work, you have a 1", and she made a one with her finger, "and when you have one and zero, you have ten."  Wow.

Back to the recital story.  So, it's my turn.  I think I smiled(hope) and walked out.  Small, very small audience.  I could do that.  I sat down, and my heart rate sped up.  "Beep........beep........beep..........beep....beep...beep.beepbeepbeepbeep."  You get the idea.  My thought was.   "Well, crap, I have to play now."  And so I did.  It was OK, I thought.  I messed up many times, but I kept going.  It was a 10 minute piece.  I walked off feeling like it was kind of.....awful, and I was prepared for a "That was a good practice run" kind of statement from Dr. Playalot, but instead, I get a very Dr. Playalot, typical hearty, "That was the best you've ever played it!"  OK, I'll go with that.  Everyone else(even my mom!  And she does NOT make that stuff up) thought it was great.  I'm anxious to see the video, and yet, not so much.

My friend told me that I threw my head up at one point.  SHOOT.  I did NOT mean to be dramatic!  I can't stand it when people are dramatic.  I was honestly just trying to get the stupid note to crescendo!  Oh well.  I was dramatic looking.  Ugh.  It'll be OK.  Surely people will forgive me.

Did I mention that I wore a pretty black dress?  I rather liked how I looked.  That is rare that I like a dress.  It's pretty.

This was a good concert.